becca is crucified. Jesus has taken over

What are you giving Christ for His birthday?

2009-12-01T16:37:00.000-08:00

Every Christmas without fail I make it all about me, but it’s not my birthday. Growing up, when it was my birthday, my little sister would pout when she didn’t get gifts on my birthday. I’ve been that little sister to Christ and this year I want to give Christ something for His birthday. He is literally the person who has everything (like all authority in heaven and on earth) so what could I possibly give Him? What would Christ want for His birthday? Here’s what I believe Christ’s list would look like and I’ve included practical ways for you and your family to live this out.

1.Unity - When Jesus was still on earth He asked His Father for unity among future believers (John 17:20). When my sisters and I ask my mom what she wants for birthday she usually just wants all her kids to be together, implying we all have to be getting along (she knows when we are faking it). Practically: Forgive a brother or sister in Christ whom you harbor bitterness against or apologize to a fellow believer whom you have offended. You are not doing this for them but for Christ however you will also benefit from the freedom it will bring. Tangibly: Gift wrap a box, put a slit on the top, and label it “To Christ”. Write the person’s name whom the Lord wants you to forgive and put the name in the box symbolizing you giving that person and that hurt to Christ.

2. Love – Jesus said if we loved Him we would obey Him (John 14:15) and the greatest commandment we can obey is to love Him with everything we have (Matt. 22:37)! Practically: Ask Him an area in your life where you do not love Him, and surrender that to Him. When I asked Him that question, “mornings” popped in my mind. I have not been starting my day off with the Lord and I know that is something He wants me from me. Tangibly: Get a plain Christmas ornament and write on it “mornings” (or whatever he wants you to give up) and hang it on the tree. After Christmas, hang it in your house as a reminder.

3. Witnesses - The last time Jesus saw the disciples He told them the Holy Spirit has empowered ALL OF US as believers to be witnesses to those in our circle of influence, our enemies, and to the ends of the earth (Acts 1:8). Practically: Be a witness to family members, friends or your kids’ friends, a co-worker or the hardest person to love. That person or group of people that just popped in your mind when you read that statement, that’s probably who He wants you to witness to this Christmas. Before you roll your eyes and let out a heavy sigh of dread, remember Christ promised ALL OF US as believers the Holy Spirit’s empowerment to do this. He didn’t just equip pastors or the “super spiritual” or only those with the gift of evangelism (that is always my “spiritual” excuse). Tangibly: Invite a non-believers to a brunch at your house and share your testimony. If you have young kids, you can invite their friends over and hide presents around your house that they have to find. Explain to the kids the way they sought out the presents, the Wise Men sought out Jesus Christ – the greatest gift. If the Lord is asking you to be a witness to the less fortunate, serve Christmas Dinner at FLOOD on December 19. If it is hard for you to get out of your house, put up a Christmas decoration like a nativity set or something that says “Jesus is the reason for the season” and use it is a conversation piece to share your faith when people come to visit you. Lastly, we don’t have to go to the ends of the earth, many people from what we would consider “the ends of the earth” live here in Bakersfield. I read a story about a Muslim woman in the U.S. who loved when the Christmas carolers came to her house. A friend of mine went Christmas caroling to Muslim neighbors as an avenue to share about the Jesus being sung about.

Please do me a favor and get on your knees right now and ask Christ what He wants from you for His birthday. The above suggestions I have heard or read about on internet sites I found when I typed searched for “Christ-centered Christmas” but do what He is asking of you. To take some of the pressure off, if you bring the gift of witnessing to a non-believer it says in Luke 15 there is great rejoicing in heaven when one sinner repents. Loosely interpreted, the heavenly hosts will take care of the party; we just have to bring a gift. Let’s commit that this Christmas we will give Christ the best birthday gift He has ever gotten from us.

Dusting off the old blog

2009-11-01T00:09:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I haven't written in two months. The reason? A little something I like to call "the full-time job". I have been working at my church since January but October 1st I started working full time and I have found I have little to no time (or energy) for anything else. I am thankful for the new job and health insurance is also a plus! (Pictured: Some of the Church staff. 2 of my 3 bosses are in this picture - the Women's Director, Terri, Front middle in the khaki pants. The other is our Local Outreach Pastor, Matt, in the back row, third from the right)

I'll start back off slow on the blog with just a funny thing that happened yesterday. Me and the Lord have been wrestling it out this last week (of course He is winning). He's brought up some areas in my life that stem from deep hurt and I'm not giving him access to it. I'm protecting the hurt with anger and religion (reading my bible, praying etc. - all outward and no relating to the Lord). I let Him know if He would show me the root of the hurt I would surrender but as for now He hasn't showed me so I'm neglecting to give him any time. Try not to be overwhelmed with my spiritual maturity.

So it's been over a week and of course I'm miserable and this issue is affecting every area of my life. Yesterday, I was getting dressed and in putting my jeans on I somehow lost my footing (I know, so not like me). I went to lean on my wall and instead put my full weight on my closet (which has curtains instead of doors). I hit my mirror against my wall, hit my arm on the wall, and fell into my closet. This only made me more mad but later I realized I had landed on the side of my closet that is in my prayer closet. I had to laugh, here I had been resisting the Lord all week and Friday I fell in the prayer closet.

Swaziland Video 2007-2009

2009-08-10T21:26:00.000-07:00

Praise God, I've raised over $2000 for my upcoming Swaziland trip. Thank you to all who have been a part of that. The Lord is faithful. I'll be leaving August 26-September 9, 2009.

This is a video to give God glory for what He did in Swaziland 2007-2009. The beginning of this 5 minute video was made by my little sister earlier this year but the rest I just added.

Beauty for Ashes - Going back to Swaziland

2009-07-14T12:56:00.000-07:00

I remember the first time I got up in front of the congregation at church and told them how the Lord had called me to Swaziland and I needed financial and prayer support to go for two years. I came home and cried my eyes out; it was the most humbling thing I had ever done. Stick me in a mud hut with no electricity but please don’t make me ask for money.

Well, the time has come for me to go to Swaziland again and wouldn’t you know it, the airline is still asking for money. This time I’m just going for a two-week trip and I’m leaving in late August. The purpose has several purposes – 1) There are three faithful Swazi women who have been carrying out the Bible Studies since I’ve left and I want to go love on and encourage them. 2) Last December I went to a very rural part of Swaziland where orphans and widows were literally starving. My church just put money together and bought them blankets and food and I’m going to go check up on them and encourage and love on my brothers and sisters in Christ. 3) The reason I’m going at this particular time is because one of my best friends is getting married and she’s asked me to be part of the ceremony.

I need to raise $2000 for my flight, food, and transportation while I’m there. My friend, Natalie (pictured - who also used to live in Swaziland) and I are selling t-shirts to raise money for our trip. DISCLAIMER – THEY ARE GIRLY SHIRTS, SEE THE PICTURE. MEN, BUY THEM FOR YOUR WIVES, DAUGHTERS, SISTERS, MOTHERS… Anyway, you can buy a t-shirt and support the trip or you can support the trip and get a free t-shirt, however you want to look at it.

Here’s how:

Bakersfield people - You can send me give me cash or check for $20/shirt and let me know what size you want. They are unisex adult t-shirts and will shrink.

Non-Bakersfieldians –

You can send a check for $25/shirt (extra added for shipping) and I will mail you the shirt. Address – 7604 Okanagan Ct., Bakersfield, CA 93309. Make sure you tell me what size shirt.

If you have a PayPal account you can give $25 by clicking the “send money” tab and type in my email address (bebop104@yahoo.com). Make sure for the reason you click the “personal” tab and click “gift”. Make sure you tell me what size shirt.

Forward this to friends who would be interested in purchasing a shirt.

I need to raise money ASAP to buy my plane ticket before prices go up.

Pray for me, this is not about plane tickets or t-shirts or fundraising, the Lord’s up to more than that and He is using this to stretch me once again.

Singing and Dancing

2009-06-20T23:04:00.000-07:00

My friend, Julie, in Swaziland just had a camp with the women in the rural area who she gets to disciple. This video made me smile and yet made me a little bit sad since I've been away from Swaziland for six months, that's the longest I've ever been away since I first stepped foot on Swazi soil. If you've been there, you'll really love this, if you haven't I think it will make you want to go. Maybe we can just start singing a cappella tomorrow at church and start dancing around the chairs...

For more of the story click on the link below http://julieanderson.myadventures.org

What the Lord has done, Part 1

2009-06-01T14:38:00.000-07:00

The Lord has done a lot in the last month in my life and I want to share it. As with anything with me, there's always lot of details. I'm breaking it up into 5 parts so it's easier to read and hopefully understand.

Here's Part 1 of the Recap of my 28 days with the Lord:

“Moses and the elders of Israel commanded the people: “Keep all these commands that I give you today. When you have crossed the Jordan into the land the Lord your God is giving you, set up some large stones and coat them with plaster. Write on them all the words of this law when you have crossed over to enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your fathers, promised you. And when you have crossed the Jordan, set up these stones on Mount Ebal, as I command you today, and coat them with plaster. Build there an altar to the Lord your God, an altar of stones. Do not use any iron tool upon them. Build the altar of the Lord your God with fieldstones and offer burnt offerings on it to the Lord your God. Sacrifice fellowship offerings there, eating them and rejoicing in the presence of the Lord your God. And you shall write very clearly all the words of this law on these stones you have set up.” Deuteronomy 27:1-8

On the first day of the 28 days I finally, after months of resisting the Lord’s prompting, went to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). They had been studying the life of Moses since September and when I arrived Moses was just about to die. It was in the choosing of "Joshua" the one who proceded me and the results of that where the deepest hurt from Swaziland lie. While still in Swaziland I was steeped in the study of Moses, specifically what he did before he died and how he prepared Joshua. I practically applied what I learned from him and yet the "Joshua" the Lord appointed was quickly removed from leadership after I left. I was devastated and my conclusion was 1) Why did the Lord have me choose and prepare her if He knew it was going to end this way? 2) I must have done something wrong to have caused this. So basically I 1) questioned his character and 2) didn’t feel like what I had done was good enough - I had failed.

The practical application from the teaching of Deuteronomy 27 that night was “How are you going to remember all that the Lord has done?” I knew specifically for me it was “How was I going to remember what the Lord had done in Swaziland”? I went home that night and sat down with the Lord and wrote down 35 things off the top of my head that the Lord did IN and FOR me. Those I could stand on because I knew those for sure, it was what the Lord had done THROUGH me that I was unsure of. In the next two weeks the Lord had me “remembering” all of the things He had done by looking through pictures and reading old emails and blogs. I had forgotten so many things He had done. Practically, He had me begin to make a Shutterfly book of pictures that each represented one of the 35 things. These first two weeks were a beautiful time where the Lord was speaking and leading so clearly…

28 days

2009-04-20T23:33:00.000-07:00

Today is day 1 of 28 days. The Lord has given me the gift of 28 days to spend with Him and rest. Friends of mine went to Africa for 28 days so I get to house sit. I'm still working but No tv, internet, even limit phone time to necessary calls. God is just calling me to Himself and I don't want to resist.
PLEASE PRAY. I’m not sure why Lord brought me here. I’m already trying to make a plan for the next 28 days. I’m trying to fill my time with doing things – read my bible, read this book, journal, sing, play guitar, dance etc…it’s gonna take me a few days to just “be”.

I know the main reason He called me here is to rest. Even when I was home last year and was at home most of the time and wasn’t working, I was not resting, I was striving - striving to hear from Him, figure out why I was here, adjust back to the States etc.

I realized tonight I can’t even rest without Him because my natural tendency is to work and do and strive. Pray that I just enjoy Him without expecting anything from Him in return . Pray I keep this “no agenda”. I also do ask for healing to take place as there are still some fresh wounds I'm pretty sure we are going to visit.

I love my Savior so much! I just let myself get in the way so many times of what He’s trying to do especially when He is trying to give me something (like grace or rest). I just want to learn to receive from Him and learn to just want Him and for that to be enough. Thanks in advance for your prayers. The 28 days are over May 17.

Resting in Him,
Becca

I will bring praise

2009-04-18T08:56:00.000-07:00

Choosing to praise. Life's been challenging these days and I don't feel like praising. Last night I went to the Hillsong United concert and they sang "Desert song" and it ministered to me.

My favorite lyrics in the song are I choose to bring praise because no weapon formed against me shall remain. I declare God is my victory and He is here. I'm battling and triumph is still on it's way. But for now I declare I'm a conqueror and co-heir with Christ, so I'll stand. In every season of my life God remains the same, He's still God so Ialways have a reason to sing and worship Him.

I'd taken my eyes off Him this week by not ascribing praise to Him. I found this on you tube that one of the singers of this song had just lost her newborn when she was recording this song. She understands what it means to choose to praise. Be blessed by the video and song!

Let It Be So!

2009-04-06T21:31:00.000-07:00

Last week I realized I don't dream anymore. All my passions, desires, goals...everything was pointed toward Africa and specifically Swaziland. But almost 1 year ago (in May) the Lord pulled me out and flung me across the ocean. Through this last year I felt like my hopes, dreams, passions - everything the Lord had given me had died. Last week, the Lord started showing me those dreams for Swaziland are still there, I'm just in America for now. Then my little sister tells me she has to do an assignment for school to make a video with pictures, music and a poem. She made it with my pictures from Africa, a SiSwati song, and Isaiah 61:1-4. This particular Scripture was what the Lord gave me for the young girls of Swaziland and promised He would bring about. Here's the video. Let this be so, Lord! Raise up a generation of women in Swaziland who will rebuild the ancient ruins!

Thank you...

2009-03-29T09:12:00.000-07:00

Last night, I laid awake in bed just just thanking Him for anything my eyes fell on - my home, my roof, my bed, even my cute Africa decorations...why? I finally felt good. I have been sick with the cold from down under (not Australia) since Tuesday. I've been lying on the couch with no energy, bad headaches, soar throat etc. only soup, grilled cheese and chocolate was sounding good to eat. And on one particular night I got to revisit all I had eaten that day...

Anyway, it feels so good to feel good again and I'm just thankful. I don't want to take my health for granted. Oh if i could bottle up how I'm feeling right now and save it for sick days to come or even gray-haired days to come when things don't work like they should any more. It's inspired me to get health insurance also.

More often than not, I grabbed my guitar this week and I can't explain it but I felt better while I was singing and playing the guitar. The song I'm learning right now is "My romance". Revelation 5:11 tells us that there are 100 million angels worshiping the Lord around His throne...100 million all saying the same thing "worthy is the lamb that was slain"...makes my headache seem quite insignificant. One more thank you - to my church in Swaziland, Salvation and Praise Ministries (pictured above)- they are the ones who taught me to worship and sing to the Lord when I don't feel good.

I don't want chocolate chip...

2009-03-13T19:12:00.000-07:00

One of my friends' 4 year old grandson called her the other day and said he was coming to visit her. She told him she would have a cookie for him when he got there. When her grandson showed up she handed him a chocolate chip cookie. He refused it, he wanted a pink-heart shaped one. The little boy was hurt because he was sure his grandma had promised him a pink heart-shaped cookie. "I did promise you a cookie but I didn't say a pink heart-shaped cookie", she told him. When she asked him why he wanted a pink-heart shaped cookie he said "because that one means love". She had to explain to him that the chocolate chip cookie meant she loved him also.

I'm doing the same thing with my Abba. He promised to love me, protect me, speak to me, draw me etc. and now all of the sudden his methods are different and I'm rejecting them. To me, feeling His presence makes me feel loved. Lately, He has felt so far away but a song will come on the radio and express what I cannot say and I burst into tears. That's still telling me He's there, He's listening...but I don't want that way. I read my Bible and nothing pops out like it used to and I'm frustrated that He's not speaking to me. Instead, friends in Christ are speaking truth into my life that is penetrating my heart. I'm such a routine and method person and the Lord so wants it to be about the relationship but I'm struggling with these chocolate chip cookies.

PAID

2009-02-27T23:06:00.000-08:00

In this desert season, the Lord has been extremely quiet. In the last several years He would speak to my soul, I knew it was Him speaking and in the last year or so it was more clear than ever. Now, I don't hear anything, I don't "feel" anything. Yet, I believe He remains just as close as ever. In this season He is still "speaking" but in new ways. He's been doing a lot through songs on the radio, seasoned saints etc. But today He used another way, He's getting more creative all the time. In this "healing" season He's first had to show me things He has needed to heal (because I didn't know they were there). In my life I've been hurt, like the rest of us, and because I didn't resolve and forgive and allow these hurts to heal, they've festered into lies. For example, I've been hurt by relationships in my life where I did not feel loved. My conclusions have been I'm not worthy of love, I have to earn love...and so on...Of course I didnt think any of these things but subconciously that's what I believed.

The "I must be good to earn love" lie is what the Lord's been dealing with me most recently. I cannot grasp the fact that He loves me unconditionally. So I work tirelessly to try and earn His love so I don't disappoint Him, don't fail Him, don't push Him away...this is not grace and this is not how God's love "works" therefore I'm believing something false about Him.

I don't remember where I heard this...I think it was my discipleship counseling class I'm taking at a local bible college. The professor asked "How do we know what something is worth"? The answer is what someone will pay for it. Jesus Christ, God incarnate, left heaven and became a servant to lowly humans and paid the price of His life for me. He PAID everything, there is nothing left for me to pay, yet I keep trying to pay after it's been paid.

Today, I went to my little sister's softball tournament and to get in I had to get a stamp on my hand. When I was driving home from the tournament, I looked down at my hand...

"PAID" (upside down) stamped on my hand...oh that it would make it into my heart...

This ain't Africa!

2009-02-22T21:45:00.000-08:00

Last week, I was driving back from San Diego and as soon as I got on the 5 North I was sitting in traffic. It was 9am on a Tuesday, it should not have been that much traffic. When I got to the source of the traffic jam, 2 lanes had been blocked off because of a 12 in long, 2 in deep hole in one of the lanes. There were 3 highway patrol, CalTrans with their big orange cones, and someone with a uniform on taking a picture. I just started laughing, thinking of the the number of holes in the road in Swaziland and things don't come to a halt...

He is on Our Side

2009-02-08T12:36:00.000-08:00

I have this picture of what's going on in my life: I was walking down a road. The road had twists and turns and bumps and I could not see farther than my next step. I'm looking down by the dimly lit path I'm walking on and WHAM a truck coming the opposite direction slams into me. I'm knocked clear off the path and as I try to recover while still wondering "what was that" I realize I'm hurt - everything aches. Still in shock I stand to my feet but the path I was on is nowhere in sight. I don't even know which direction that path is in. Now I'm standing, my insides broken, in a dark place with no hope or direction. Questions fly through my head: Where did that come from? Am I ok? Will I ever heal? Where am I? What did I do to deserve this? How do I get back to that path? Was I ever even on a path to begin with?

While in this trial my heart has literally ached and some days I feel like there are open wounds. A few weeks ago I did have a tangible physical pain that I had to go and see the chiropractor for. I'm still not totally sure what the problem is but my lower back is in pain a good majority of the time. I rested a few days and jumped back into exercising and strength building only to be back almost where I started (flat on my back) this past Monday. It hurt to do anything at the gym and I came home livid. I went to the chiropractor yesterday and vented my frustration "I hate being limited!" I'm only 26 years old, I should be able to run and lift things. Part of the problem is my pride, I will admit because I HAVE to walk on the treadmill while everyone else is running. And not only do i have to walk but walk slow because anything more than a stroll brings pain. I wish I could wear a sign that says "I really could be running, I'm in shape enough to run, but I just have lower back pain". Venting to a friend today, I jokingly said "well at least I'm making everyone else feel better about themselves if they workout next to me".

Today at the gym the woman next to me and a few treadmills over from me on the right both walked the whole way. No, I didn't want to thank them for making me feel better or give them a high five and say "running is for the proud". I couldn't help but notice the lady next to me who was probably 10-15 years older than me about several pounds heavier than me kept glancing over at me. Suddenly, I was thinking, all the sudden she can relate to me. If I was running she might have been discouraged because she knew she couldn't run. It made me think about my "hating to be limited" comment and thinking how much Christ had to limit himself to come so I could relate to Him. I know I will come tumbling off that missionary pedestal if I keep being open and honest about where I'm at right now but praise Him because people can't relate to those on the pedestal but those who have been wounded.

The following is one of my favorite songs right now. "You are on our side" by Bethany Dillon. You can listen to it on the right in the red playlist. He's allowing me to be wounded so I can relate to the wounded. That's who Jesus spent His time with. I love the picture this song gives of Christ sitting at the table with all the world's rejected. He's laughing and joking with them, enjoying them, and I just see their shame lifting from them as He draws them closer. Thank you, Jesus!

The orphan clings to Your hand

Singing the song of how he was found

The widow rejoices

For her oppressors are silenced now

You sit at the table

with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories

with the thief and the whore

When You could just be silent

and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for us

You are on our side

The runaway falls at Your feet

You are what he has searched for

The rich man is broken

When he stands beneath a sky full of stars

Thank Him

2009-02-04T23:28:00.000-08:00

Beth Moore, one of my favorite teachers, said once in a message I heard of hers something like if she wakes up and is in a bad mood or something she thinks "Thank Him". And as she starts thanking Him and joy starts to flood her mind. One of my spiritual dads, also said "The Lord thrives off of thanksgiving".

In the midst of this darkness, trial, and desert season there are things that I am thankful for.

To start off, this morning I checked my email and my top 8 emails were from outside of the United States. If i looked at my top 10, the others were 2 I had met while living in Africa and even they don't live in California. I just started thanking the Lord that I woke up and had emails from Kenya, South Africa, Swaziland, Michigan, and Kansas City and as of tonight I got one from Atlanta from a sweet sister who I lived in Africa with. I'm so thankful that I have friends from so many tongues, tribes, and nations and that different languages were written in my emails. I love that these saints are from all different backgrounds, denominations, and paths leading to furthering the Kingdom of heaven. I love the ways they have all influenced me, encouraged me, poured into me, and challenged me.

Thank you:

My iPod is now fixed

for My home

My family and getting to be a part of their daily lives again

That you never leave me

for Time to heal

for Those you are bringing around me during this difficult time

for Your unconditional love

that My basic needs are met

that I had a meal tonight and will not go to bed hungry

for Electricity, water, shelter...

for 2 jobs during a difficult economic time in our country

for The gift of music

for 4 recent Phone calls from Africa

that You are good and you can do nothing less...

I Believe

2009-01-27T20:51:00.000-08:00

I am crucified. My flesh is still here so I must choose to die to my desire and my will. Very practically, my desire is to write about encouraging, fun things the Lord has done in my life or let me experience like African women dancing when they receive soap. This whole crucifying thing is death and not just death but a painful death. And the more Becca dies the more you can see Christ.

I'm taking a class on Discipleship Counseling at a local Bible college and it's basically about helping people walk through the healing process. My teacher showed us how Christ going to the cross is a picture of healing. Christ asked His father to take the cup asking if there was another way yet voluntarily did the Father's will. He then stretched himself out and was humiliated and exposed. I'm at the "my God, my God, why have you forsaken me" part. Christ knew God was there but he felt the separation. I've asked Him if there's another way (can I read another book? Hear another sermon? Do another ministry?) that I can heal or learn these life lessons. There's not...I have to let him expose things in my heart and feel all the emotions and give him full right to all of that. There's no way I can explain everything going on in my heart right now. As a dear friend put it, the Lord's doing major surgery on my heart and it's messy. It's painful. The Lord is using a recent trial to show that I don't trust Him, that I question if He is good, I question if He still loves etc. And worst of all he's been silent after the closeness and loudness of His voice that I had in Africa. I'm back at square 1. Getting back to the basics. I don't even feel like I have the words to pray so I've just found songs that say what I want to say. Here's an example. On the right you can listen to it.

How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe

Though I can't see my stories ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say

Even when He is silent

There you go, i'm laying it out, exposing myself because I want healing. I might have some more bruises from falling off people's "missionary" pedestal. What kind of "missionary" struggles to know if God loves her or if God is good? A real one. I believe the sun still exists when it's dark or when it's cloudy so why would I believe God's done with me just because I don't see Him or hear Him or feel Him.

Africa

2009-01-25T23:50:00.000-08:00

I've lived in the States now for 4 months and yesterday I ran into someone I hadn't seen in years. She asked me "how was africa?" almost in the same way you would ask "how was your weekend?". Africa was a tool for the Lord to strip back some things in me that did not emulate His Son. A tool to let me experience the greatest joy I would have never imagined was possible. He used it to free from so many things that were holding me in bondage but He had to take me out of the States to even see the chains. How was Africa? Life changing. I'm not the only one. I love when others say things better than I ever could. Check out the video.

The Story of Gege: Part 5, Pictures of the Party

2009-01-10T17:00:00.000-08:00

This is part 5 of a 5 part series telling the story of the Lord pursuing His people in Gege, Swaziland.

It's been a great journey going back through what God did in just 1 Sunday in Swaziland over the last 5 days. Below is a photo album of all the best pictures and a bit more of the story. Thank you for letting me be your representative in Swaziland. I got a question that I'm going to answer tomorrow in the blog but if you have any questions post a comment or email me and I'll answer them tomorrow.

Enjoy! Look at the kids sweet faces.

The Story of Gege: Part 4, Tear-soaked hugs

2009-01-08T22:38:00.000-08:00

...continued from yesterday. This is part 4 of a 5 part blog to show God pouring out His tangible love on His own in Swaziland.

I walked into Make Zwane's house the morning of the Christmas party and there were stacks of 3lb. bags of rice and sugar (below) covering her living room.

Each identified orphan and elderly person in need was given a gift at the Christmas party. Below is a picture of everything the elderly people received. Left to right, starting in the back - rice, sugar, and candles (no electricity). In the front, left to right, matches, cooking oil, and tea bags. The bags for the children had a toy instead of the tea and candles and matches. What you need to understand also is the fact that they received rice is a big deal. Rice is a special treat for the people in Gege because it is expensive.

We, by 'we' i mean Phumlile and her sister (below), stuck all of the items in plastic bags. The 90 bags covered Make Zwane's living room floor so much that we couldn't walk which was especially challenging to me because I can hardly walk without falling in the first place.

As you can see from the sweet girl below, these bags were so heavy, I could barely lift them. I asked Make Zwane "If these people are so weak, how can they get these heavy bags home". "Oh, believe me", she said, "they will make a way".

And they did just that. How else do you get it home but put it on your head. I always said "I could never be a Swazi woman, my neck muscles aren't strong enough". Of course the women I talked about yesterday could not have done that; they had help.

The one in the front (picture below) is Make (Mah-gay, SiSwati for "Mrs.") Hlathwayo. Make Hlatwayo has lived in Gege and gone to this church about as long as Babe (Bah-bay, SiSwati for "Mr.") Zwane (see part 1 of this story for more on him). Anyway, Make Hlathwayo has become very good friends with Make (Mah-gay) Zwane and tells her the needs of the community. She also houses several orphans from the church in her home and other orphans in the neighborhood come to her house to eat one meal a day. I will never forget when we were passing out the gifts and Make Hlatwayo came up and hugged me and her face went against my chest and I felt her tears against my skin. I pulled back and she had tears streaming down her face and she pulled me in again for another hug and just said "thank you, thank you, so many people are so stingy, but you gave, thank you". I share that tear-soaked hug for all of you who gave because I got to physically receive it for you. As I looked around, most of the elderly women, although they were singing and dancing, had tears streaming down their sunkissed faces. And the ones who bypassed my handshake and went straight for the hug, squeezed like only grandmas can. Thank you for letting me be your representative.
Make Hlathwayo did cry but she also sang and worshiped the Lord and was absolutely hysterical. Here's a video, she's the one singing in the middle. Enjoy! I so wish we could just bust out like this with our voices in church and it sound this good.

The Story of Gege: Part 3, Dancing for Soap

2009-01-06T21:09:00.000-08:00

...continued from yesterday...This is part 3 of the 5 part blog sharing sights and sounds of a Christmas party in Swaziland, Africa.
Picture waking up on Christmas morning, sitting in your pajamas next to the Christmas tree glowing with a string of lights and you with a Christmas present in your lap. You begin to unwrap the tiny package pulling the ribbon to take off the bow, removing the paper and when the present is revealed it is...SOAP. I'm not talking about fancy, good-smelling soap, I'm talking regular, original scent bar soap. How excited would you be? How would your relationship be with the person who just gave you the soap? If you're anything like me your smile and excitement before the present was unwrapped would have turned to scrunched eyebrows. "Huh? Soap. Um, thanks". That's because my basic hygiene needs, like soap are met. Soap is not a luxury, it's a necessity.

Not so in Swaziland. That large green bar these precious women are holding in the pictures are huge bars of soap. They use this for everything. They break it into smaller pieces and use it to bathe, they use it to handwash their clothes, they even rub it on a wet cloth and use it to wash their dishes. The women stood up and danced with their soap while cheering. I wish I could have got it on video but I was having to shake everyone's hands when we gave the gifts. It was priceless!

I'm not judging, I promise I'm not judging but after this party I saw Christmas in the States so differerent. Just seeing the presents I gave and received and how I expect to get a certain standard of gift and I couldn't help but remember the women dancing because they got soap.

The pastors were dancing too. I cannot tell you the joy that the people of this church were feeling that day. Nothing, i mean NOTHING like this had ever happened to them before. I admit sometimes I thought, "what's the big deal? It's just food and a few gifts, that I would consider necessities." I was so humbled though by their joy in having a party, having food, having soap and had to confess my ungratefulness. Enjoy the "pastors boogie" below.

The Story of Gege: Part 2, The Bishop's Wife

2009-01-06T19:16:00.000-08:00

...continued from yesterday. This is part 2 of the 5 part blog sharing the story of the Christmas party I got to be a part of in Swaziland.

After a few emails were sent and 3 days had passed $1500 had come in to fund the Christmas party. We raised $2500 total. $1600 of it went to buying food and drinks for the party and gifts for the orphans and elderly. The rest went toward paying for school fees for some of the children, blessing the Zwanes, and providing food and clothes for the famililes of the two of the girls on the Cherish team.

When I was trying to figure out how to get the funds over to them for the party I felt like the Lord was prompting me to go over and deliver it. After much prayer, godly counsel, and the use of my Delta Sky Miles, I landed in Swaziland once again. This time with the objective to care for orphans and widows.
Is she not the most precious thing you have seen there on her knees before her Savior? Behind this precious woman of God is her husband, the bishop over all of the Apostolic Faith churches in Swaziland. I'm not sure how old the wife is but her husband is 91. She is just one example of the elderly people that were helped by the Christmas gift she received.

Days leading up to trip Make Zwane kept expressing her excitement about the Bishop's wife coming to the party. I found out the bishop's wife had not been to church in many months because of how ill she was. Make Zwane wanted me to shake everyone's hand and then give them their Christmas gift of food, candles, and soap. As you can see above the bishop's wife could barely get up off the bench she was sitting on to shake my hand but you better believe she was worshiping her Jesus during the singing and dancing of praise and worship. *Watch the below video to see the bishop's wife dance to her Jesus. In the still shot, she is the one on the right. In the video, Make Zwane is the one on the microphone and the first person you see to her left is the bishop's wife*

This precious daughter of the King of Kings had to be lifted up from where she was sitting by 2 other ladies in order for her to shake my hand. So many of the elderly at Make Zwane's church are so weak from not getting enough to eat that they no longer have the strength to walk to church. Transportation was arranged for them for the party.

Make Zwane was so humbled and overwhelmed by the generosity of the people in the States who gave she wanted to say thank you herself. When I first told her how much was raised she just kept yelling "Amen, Hallelujah". Don't miss at the end she says that the 91-year-old bishop said "I have never seen anything like this". THANK YOU!

The Story of Gege: Part 1, Meet the Zwanes

2009-01-05T18:12:00.001-08:00

This is part 1 of a 5 part story telling about the Christmas party I got to be a part of in Swaziland last month...
Meet the Zwanes. Make (Mah-gay, Swazi name for "Mrs.") Zwane is the Vice Principal at one of the schools I used to teach bible study at in Swaziland. I met Make Zwane in 2006 and we hit it off almost immediately. She became like a mother [the literal meaning of "make" (mah-gay)] to me during my stay in Swaziland by always checking up on me throughout the week to see how I was doing and always had an open invitation for me to stay at her home. Make Zwane and I would usually talk and pray before I would teach the bible studies and one week she asked me to pray for the people in the church where her husband was a pastor.

Babe (bah-bay, Swazi name for "Mr.") Zwane's first wife passed away a few years ago and married his current bride 4 years ago. In Swaziland it is normal for a pastor in a rural area to have another job because the congregation cannot financially support him and his family. Babe Zwane is no exception; he also works for the government. Babe Zwane grew up in Gege and raised 5 children there but Make Zwane is still transitioning from urban Swaziland to rural Gege, located on a bumpy, African, dirt road about 1 hour in the dirt from the main road. I mention that because she isn't used to the situation that is so common in so many rural areas in Swaziland. She couldn't believe that people were literally starving, that parents die leaving children to raise their younger siblings alone etc; she has an outsider perspective like I do.

While at first Make Zwane asked the Lord why He had chosen her to live here and go to church here (Apostolic Faith Church of Gege, pictured above) she now believes God put her there to help tend to the needs of the congregation. She has told me countless stories about how she will unexpectedly receive some money and on Sunday someone will tell her a need that costs the exact amount she received earlier that week.

I went to Gege last year for the first time and the only way I can describe it is"death". Normally in Africa there are people walking up and down the roads, sitting outside of their houses chatting, etc but when I went to Gege it was eerily quiet. As we drove past houses Make Zwane showed me countless households where the whole family had died. The parents died because of HIV and the children starved. Make Zwane and I have prayed for this community so much during my stay in Swaziland.

About 1 month ago (2 months after I'd returned home from Swaziland) I was sitting in my room praying and the Lord prompted me to call Make Zwane. I'd tried to reach her countless times that month with no avail but of course this time she answered the phone. I let her talk as I didn't want to prompt her i.e. "The Lord told me to call you" - I just wanted to hear what was going on.

Within a few minutes she began talking about the people in Gege. She said the people are literally starving. The elderly people in her church could no longer come to church because they were too weak to walk. The children also constantly ask her for something to eat when they come to church. She gives where she can but her finances are also limited. Then she told me her desire to throw a Christmas party for the people in her church and send them home with food that would last a month. I asked her how much it would cost for everything and told her I would pray the Lord to provide. I hung up the phone and sent out a few emails telling people here of the need...

...more to come tomorrow

Swaziland, Part III

2009-01-01T07:01:00.001-08:00

...continued from " more pics of Swaziland"

I was surprised at how many things had already changed in the just the three short months I had been gone. I love Swaziland but most things are on "Swazi time" so i couldn't believe a new coffee shop had been built and opened. Me and Julia had a sweet time of fellowship at Cafe Lingo one morning. Pray for Julia as she is getting ready to move back to the States after a two year stay in Swaziland.

This is precious Dolly and the children God has given her to minister to. I first met Dolly when I moved to Swaziland in 2006 because she cleaned my house at the time but I soon fell in love with her. Dolly still cleans houses but she lives in a very poor area just a few miles from the capital city and she began to notice there were lots of children who were not attending school. Most of the parents were not able to pay their children's school fees so the kids just sat at home. Dolly went to her chief and asked if she could begin meeting with the children. I will never forget when Dolly says "I don't know a lot but I can teach the children how to at least write their names." Dolly has done so much more than that - she has brought hope to these children. We took a kombi ( a 15 passenger van used for public transport) to where she meets the children and they were all just waiting for her by the tree. The following week she was going to have a Christmas party for them and she was so excited. This is really what the Lord has created her to do and she comes alive with her kids.

I also went and visited Phumlile's (from the Cherish team) homestead (traditional rural home). I adore her family. I took the team that came from RiverLakes Church this August to meet her family and you can ask any of the team members how precious this family is. I am always overwhelmed by their humility and joy. This is Phumlile's little sister, Makhosi - oh, i miss their sweet smiles.

...still more to come

More pics of Swaziland

2009-01-01T05:25:00.000-08:00

It's been 9 days since i've been home and I thought the jet lag was over but I woke up at 2:30am and I'm still wide awake. I realized I never finished telling about my Swaziland trip...

Since it was "Christmas" (althought it was blazing hot) me, Julie, Jacci, and Zinty went to my favorite restaurant in Manzini and then exchanged some gifts. These girls are like my sisters, I love them to death.

We also couldn't help but notice how much Zinty looked like the reindeer on her bag. Seriously when I picked the bag up I knew Zinty's gift was going in there because she totally makes that face - can you see it?

Since the time I last left Swaziland, little Abbie Mae Mackie was born to my dear friend, Lauren (not pictured). This is at our missionary Christmas party but I went and spent a morning with Lauren and Abbie and she is precious - both of them are. I loved seeing Lauren as a mom and just that mom love overflowing on her infant. Lauren also has some great new insight into the Father's love for us now that she is a parent. She referenced the verse from Isaiah that goes something like "can a nursing mother forget her child? While she may forget, i will never forget you". Thanks Abbie for that little lesson.

One of the things I miss the most is the sights of Africa. I mentioned in the previous blog how I love seeing the women carrying things on their heads or people walking everywhere along the roads. Well here's another one. I love watching the women get their hair done. This is my friend, Thembi, doing her daughter's hair but my favorite is when the women are just sitting outside chatting and braiding each other's hair.

This is at Summerfield, a little restaurant that is in the middle of these botanical gardens that is about 5 minutes away from Swaziland's industrial sight. Thembi, Angel, and I went there for lunch and I was laughing because Thembi and Angel (the Swazis) had never been to this place that's less than 5 miles from their homes. Angel said "Becca, I think this is why you've come back to Swaziland, to show the Swazis their own country".

more to come...

First Week in Swaziland

2008-12-12T06:32:00.000-08:00

So, I'm back in the land where my heart is fully alive! It's been so great to be with my "family" here. And I've loved being bombarded with images from Africa - women walking on the side of the road with babies on their backs and something on their head, selling roasted corn on the side of the road, the beautiful scenery (Last night there was an awesome lighting storm. Let's just say it put a holy fear of the Lord in me), the power going off and on...Here's some visuals

Zinty, Me, and Jacci at the Children's Cup Christmas party - 4000 kids! Check out the video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koR5qR236DA

Water slides at the Christmas party. We were laughing because the kids all started taking off their clothes so as to not get their nice clothes dirty.Lunch at my favorite restaurant after church with Thembi and Simphiwe and Alex (taking the picture)Making Christmas cookies with Ellie and Simphiwe at Julie's house. Loving on the Cherish team! I love these girls!

I just love this picture of Phumlile!

Trying to be a Swazi woman by bringing the groceries in on my head. I'm not bowing, that rice almost knocked me over it was so heavy.

So, i've been in tank tops dripping sweat most of the time yet it's Christmas. It seems like someone is playing a joke but I keep hearing Christmas carols. Jacci has her house decorated with her cute new tree.

Oh, how I missed the funny Swazi headlines. Manzini is one of the 2 biggest cities in Swaziland. Some patients from the psychiatric ward escaped yesterday.

I hung out at the Children's Cup office today- Isn't Zinty so cute?

That's just a bit of my trip, I've really enjoyed it but the Lord has confirmed that I'm not suppossed to be here. So, I thank Him for being clear but enjoying my time!

Lessons from Israel, Part 3, Christ words to me

2008-11-17T16:44:00.000-08:00

I’m alive and well,

Your Spirit is within me

Because You died and rose again

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?” 1 Corinthians 6:19

The song Amazing love says “your Spirit is within me” and Scripture proves that is true in 1 Corinthians 6. I’d known that Scripture, in fact, it was one of the key verses I used in Swaziland when teaching the girls about sexual purity. I knew it meant our bodies were of value to God and holy. THEN I went to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem and the understanding that “my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit” took on new meaning. Jewish tradition teaches that the Wailing Wall is the only place where the presence of God is. After a Jew would pray at the wall they would then walk backwards so their backs wouldn’t face the wall out of reverence. Now of course, I don’t expect people to come pray to me or never turn their back to me but how blasphemous it would be to a Jewish person to say “I’m a temple of the Spirit of God”. I had known this truth but the weight of it now is substantial.

Lessons from Israel, Part 2. My words to Christ

2008-11-17T16:35:00.000-08:00

You are my King.

You are my King.

Jesus, You are my King.

One memory I will never forget is singing "Amazing Love" with 50 other saints in the Garden next to the tomb where Jesus was buried and rose from. I remember thinking "I’m sitting in Jerusalem, God’s chosen city where His chosen people live proclaiming to Jesus 'You are MY King' and they don’t get it". It was like I was saying, "Jesus the Jews may not know that you are their King but I know you are MINE!" The people who He came for, the people that He brought the Kingdom of God to earth for, the ones who looked for a king for generations – they missed the King. As I was sitting in the place where Christ's body was after He had just taken on the sin of the world and I was proclaiming “you are my King”. That’s huge! And of course, Jesus is King whether I say He is or not but I understand what a meaningful statement that is to Him. I had no idea.

Israel video

2008-11-16T07:45:00.000-08:00

I just got back from Israel a little over a week ago. Here's a 10 minute video of highlights from the trip. Be sure and turn your volume up. I accidentally stayed up all night finishing it. I was about to go to bed last night and then i wanted to do one thing on it and the next thing i knew the sun was coming up. It was a project the Lord and I worked on together, a labor of love. For His glory! I apologize to my sweet friends in Africa, you probably won't be able to see it, you just need to come visit me and i'll show it to you here.

I want to live like grass on purpose

2008-11-11T09:01:00.000-08:00

1 Peter 1:23-25 For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. For, "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever." And this is the word that was preached to you.”

I’m sitting in my back yard in the middle of November reading “men are like grass”. I’m overlooking all the grass that is quickly fading from green to yellow and thinking ‘that’s me? I’m grass’. We are heading towards winter and in one of my favorite Bible classes at BIOLA, I learned that when the Bible says “winter” it may very well mean a season but it is also symbolic of death. If the Word is true, then death is coming soon for all of us and the only thing that is going to last is the Word of God. All of my jokes, that my older sister claims are “the funniest things she’s ever heard” will pass away. Even "nice" things I may say, no one will remember them. They have no lasting value. All that will have eternal value is the Word of God which means to me, I better speak it and live it before my grassy days are over.

The futility of life was never so clear to me as when I was standing overlooking Bet She’an in Israel last week. Never heard of it? I hadn't either until i visited it last week. It was a prominent Roman city and no doubt tons of money was put into its building and upkeep. There was evidence of beautiful streets paved in marble and lavish king’s quarters that were overlooking the city. It had a raging social life and I’m sure they thought well of themselves. Several thousand years later, I’m standing in this city and to me it looks like a pile of rubble. No offense to the archeologists that spent oodles of time uncovering this ancient city. What was once the center of these people’s lives now lie in ruins. In 2000 years from now, if things are still plugging along, the earthly things that consume my mind now will be of no significance. Bakersfield might be just a pile of rubble for all I know.

At the end of a teaching from Beth Moore on the book of Daniel today she concluded her lesson concerning Alexander the Great who conquered most of the known world but died at 32 by praying “May we live on purpose”. Lord, I want to live on purpose. I want my actions and words to have eternal value so may I live and speak the Word of God.

Lessons from Israel, Part 1

2008-11-08T16:36:00.000-08:00

I've been back from Israel over 48 hours now. In the midst of recovering from jet lag I'm processing things I learned from being in the Holy Land.

"their rejection is the reconciliation of the world...Branches were broken off so that I could be grafted in." - Romans 11:15, 19

If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise. Galatians 3:29

We were driving next to the dead sea and our tour guide said "on the other side of those mountains is where the Israelites wandered for 40 years an where Moses died"

(above photo: Mountains in background behind the Dead Sea. In foreground are ruins from a stronghold built by King Uzziah).

Moses is one of my favorites and I've learned much from His relationship with God. So as I was looking out on the same place that Moses looked at thousands of years ago, the thought came to me "This has nothing to do with me". This is about God choosing His chosen people of Israel and His faithfulness that has endured for generations. And what doesn't make sense is the people who are biological descendants of Abraham have rejected the redemptive plan that God put in place for them. Their rejection has allowed me to be a part of this redemptive story. I feel so privileged to be a part of it. As strange as it sounds, i'm thankful for the Jews rejection because it made it possible for me to be grafted in.

(Above Photo: Looking from the top of Mt. Carmel where Elijah defeated the prophets of Baal [1 Kings 18] onto the Jezreel valley where Joshua led the Israelites into many victories over their enemies.)

I got to stand at the place where God told Peter to present the gospel to the Gentiles (Acts 10). Before this time, the gospel was solely for the Jews. He was staying at Simon the tanners house when He told Peter not to call "unclean (Gentiles) what the Lord has called clean". Thank you, Lord.

the Garden

2008-11-05T07:52:00.000-08:00

"At the place where Jesus was crucified, there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb, in which no one had ever been laid" - John 19:41

Perfect example of how the Bible came alive here in Israel. I never noticed "there was a garden" next to where Jesus was crucified and in the garden there was a tomb where he was buried. Today from this beautiful garden, we saw a rock that looked like a skull and right next to this skull was a garden and in this garden was a tomb. AND THE TOMB WAS EMPTY!! We sang and took communion as a group in this place where our Savior conquered this very grave. This place was different from many other places where we have been - i.e. the temple, the holy of holies, King David's tomb, where the orthodox believe Jesus was buried. In these places people so many religious people were kissing these places, burning candles, saying their prayers and it was so empty. But in the garden today, no one was doing this at the tomb in the garden - they didn't stop and worship the place, they worshiped the one who was risen.

Boarding the plane to L.A. in 7 hours. I'll never look at the Bible again and now I've seen...I'll never be the same.

Gospel Alive

2008-11-02T12:50:00.000-08:00

Hello from Jerusalem. There are no words for this city, it is amazing. Today is Sunday and about 100,000 Sundays ago Jesus entered Jerusalem on a donkey on the same road I walked down today. I walked down in with my mouth open just in awe of this city - I've never experienced anything like it. We went to the garden of gethsemane and prayed where Jesus did the night he was betrayed and arrested. The garden looks right at the city of Jerusalem, i guess i always thought he was farther out of the city. One of the olive trees was huge meaning it was over 2000 years old so it was there when Jesus was here. We drove by the Dung gate which was awesome because I love the book of Nehemiah and it's referenced there. On the way into Jerusalem today we drove right along the path where the Good Samaritan helped the man who was robbed by thieves. The Bible has just come alive.

Yesterday we walked around the caves where David hid from Saul and wrote a few psalms including Psalm 57. There were somethings like conies (little rodent looking things) and deer looking things with huge horns and David describes some of these things in the Psalms and it just makes sense. We also floated in the Dead Sea last night and there is so much salt that you float. i tried to stand up and it would literally push you off your feet. if you were on your stomach it was so hard to get on your back. Behind the Dead Sea lay the mountains range on which the Israelites wandered on from Egypt and where Moses is buried. I can't explain it but the Bible literally has come alive as i'm seeing the things Jesus, Moses, David and so many more saw. It sheds light on all the analogies and parables.

One major thought I keep continually having is "This has nothing to do with me". It's like here is this huge story and these chosen people that God loves dearly for thousands of years and I just got grafted in. I get to be a part of this story and therefore all of this is my heritage. The next 3 days we will be spending in Jerusalem and there is so much to see, so much happened in Scripture right here. My hunger for God's Word is insatiable right now as many have said on the trip "it's like the pieces are coming together".

Shalom

2008-10-29T10:21:00.000-07:00

Hi from Israel. I only have a few minutes because the first 10 of my 15 minutes the girl had to translate from Hebrew to English so i would know how to log into this page.

I'm in Tel Aviv tonight, that's modern day Joppa. This is the place where Jonah jumped on the boat so he didn't have to go to Ninevah. Just down the road a bit was the place in Acts where Peter was staying with Simon the Tanner when he had the vision and God told him to share the gospel with a gentile for the first time. I started to have tears in my eyes already as I realized that Peter probably walked right where I was sticking my feet in the Meditteranean.

I feel totally safe here. The Israeli people are super friendly and the men surprisingly very good looking - dark and handsome.

The flight was a big nervracking as someone tried to smoke in the bathroom so all these red lights were flashing - i thought we were going down or there was a bomb. False Alarm. The interviews to get on the plane were intense as well. I had to answer all these questions and the guy didn't crack a smile. Like "what church are you from? How many members does it have? How many years has it been a church". Pretty cool!

the crucifixion

2008-10-24T23:36:00.000-07:00

9 years ago, i went from being a "Christian" to having a personal relationship with Christ. he'd ask for my time, money, talents, everything and I'd give him a tiny bit. then he asked me to go to africa where i had to give him everything and everyone. it was in this giving all that i found the deepest intimacy with him and the greatest joy. he became everything to me. then in this last year he has completely wrecked me for his kingdom. I was this pottery and I was completely shattered in Swaziland and He began to put the pieces as he wanted them.i can never go back to who i was. he asked me while i was in africa these 2 questions: 1)"are you ready to give full control to me" and 2)"are you ready to give up everything that makes you becca". i've never been the same since i said yes. it's no longer about becca or what becca wants it's about Christ and His kingdom.I've never experienced freedom like this before. thoughts of the my Gracious One flood my mind. I'm so in love with him. if i don't write the things he's doing and saying down i'll explode. i have to put words to it and bring him more glory. it seems like the more i walk and follow after Him, the more questions i have. this spot is for me to give voice to these questions, thank him, share what he's saying and whatever else he wants to do.