He is on Our Side

I have this picture of what's going on in my life: I was walking down a road. The road had twists and turns and bumps and I could not see farther than my next step. I'm looking down by the dimly lit path I'm walking on and WHAM a truck coming the opposite direction slams into me. I'm knocked clear off the path and as I try to recover while still wondering "what was that" I realize I'm hurt - everything aches. Still in shock I stand to my feet but the path I was on is nowhere in sight. I don't even know which direction that path is in. Now I'm standing, my insides broken, in a dark place with no hope or direction. Questions fly through my head: Where did that come from? Am I ok? Will I ever heal? Where am I? What did I do to deserve this? How do I get back to that path? Was I ever even on a path to begin with?

While in this trial my heart has literally ached and some days I feel like there are open wounds. A few weeks ago I did have a tangible physical pain that I had to go and see the chiropractor for. I'm still not totally sure what the problem is but my lower back is in pain a good majority of the time. I rested a few days and jumped back into exercising and strength building only to be back almost where I started (flat on my back) this past Monday. It hurt to do anything at the gym and I came home livid. I went to the chiropractor yesterday and vented my frustration "I hate being limited!" I'm only 26 years old, I should be able to run and lift things. Part of the problem is my pride, I will admit because I HAVE to walk on the treadmill while everyone else is running. And not only do i have to walk but walk slow because anything more than a stroll brings pain. I wish I could wear a sign that says "I really could be running, I'm in shape enough to run, but I just have lower back pain". Venting to a friend today, I jokingly said "well at least I'm making everyone else feel better about themselves if they workout next to me".

Today at the gym the woman next to me and a few treadmills over from me on the right both walked the whole way. No, I didn't want to thank them for making me feel better or give them a high five and say "running is for the proud". I couldn't help but notice the lady next to me who was probably 10-15 years older than me about several pounds heavier than me kept glancing over at me. Suddenly, I was thinking, all the sudden she can relate to me. If I was running she might have been discouraged because she knew she couldn't run. It made me think about my "hating to be limited" comment and thinking how much Christ had to limit himself to come so I could relate to Him. I know I will come tumbling off that missionary pedestal if I keep being open and honest about where I'm at right now but praise Him because people can't relate to those on the pedestal but those who have been wounded.

The following is one of my favorite songs right now. "You are on our side" by Bethany Dillon. You can listen to it on the right in the red playlist. He's allowing me to be wounded so I can relate to the wounded. That's who Jesus spent His time with. I love the picture this song gives of Christ sitting at the table with all the world's rejected. He's laughing and joking with them, enjoying them, and I just see their shame lifting from them as He draws them closer. Thank you, Jesus!

The orphan clings to Your hand

Singing the song of how he was found

The widow rejoices

For her oppressors are silenced now

You sit at the table

with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories

with the thief and the whore

When You could just be silent

and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for us

You are on our side

The runaway falls at Your feet

You are what he has searched for

The rich man is broken

When he stands beneath a sky full of stars