PAID

In this desert season, the Lord has been extremely quiet. In the last several years He would speak to my soul, I knew it was Him speaking and in the last year or so it was more clear than ever. Now, I don't hear anything, I don't "feel" anything. Yet, I believe He remains just as close as ever. In this season He is still "speaking" but in new ways. He's been doing a lot through songs on the radio, seasoned saints etc. But today He used another way, He's getting more creative all the time. In this "healing" season He's first had to show me things He has needed to heal (because I didn't know they were there). In my life I've been hurt, like the rest of us, and because I didn't resolve and forgive and allow these hurts to heal, they've festered into lies. For example, I've been hurt by relationships in my life where I did not feel loved. My conclusions have been I'm not worthy of love, I have to earn love...and so on...Of course I didnt think any of these things but subconciously that's what I believed.

The "I must be good to earn love" lie is what the Lord's been dealing with me most recently. I cannot grasp the fact that He loves me unconditionally. So I work tirelessly to try and earn His love so I don't disappoint Him, don't fail Him, don't push Him away...this is not grace and this is not how God's love "works" therefore I'm believing something false about Him.

I don't remember where I heard this...I think it was my discipleship counseling class I'm taking at a local bible college. The professor asked "How do we know what something is worth"? The answer is what someone will pay for it. Jesus Christ, God incarnate, left heaven and became a servant to lowly humans and paid the price of His life for me. He PAID everything, there is nothing left for me to pay, yet I keep trying to pay after it's been paid.

Today, I went to my little sister's softball tournament and to get in I had to get a stamp on my hand. When I was driving home from the tournament, I looked down at my hand...

"PAID" (upside down) stamped on my hand...oh that it would make it into my heart...